Creating And Leading: How Do You Balance Individual And Community?

I had a great Twitter chat with the ever-gentle and wise Mark Silver from Heart of Business yesterday. It kicked off when I mentioned that I’d spoken to a book promoter and their advice was to write your book through your blog to grow your tribe before you approach a publisher – publishers just want to know how big your tribe is when they’re considering your book proposal. Mark commented on this and we got into a discussion about connection and creativity and the tension between individual and community that creators – and any leaders, I believe – must manage.

I asked Mark “Do you think highly introverted writers will become obsolete? There’s so much connection required to get your writing read…” and Mark took it deeper with: “I wonder if introversion is a reaction to the deep need for compassion and gentleness that is missing from our culture.” And then he asked me what I thought was going on with the whole introversion and individual/ community tension thing in the creative process. We had a great discussion, and I wanted to share some of my thoughts and take-aways on this with you, because balancing individual and community is something we’re all faced with as creators and leaders and it’s tricky. I know I sure find it tricky.

Living in an Individualistic world

I used to think that creating was a very personal and individual act. I’ve painted prolifically most of my life and attended a variety of art schools along the way, but my art-making process was predominantly shaped over 15 years of attending private art classes once and sometimes twice a week – all 15 years with the same art teacher. She is a beautiful, elegant, quiet, humble and incredibly respectful woman who held the most amazing space for us to create in. It’s as if I got to have art therapy through all of my childhood and adolescence and I’m deeply grateful for the ways that’s shaped me and the gift she is in my life.

In that incredibly respectful space, we all worked individually and, while she would give instruction on technique here and there, she never, ever touched our artwork because it was ours. She was always very clear about this. I remember a high school art teacher grabbing a paint brush, and lunging towards my painting about to “fix” the bit that she wanted me to fix. It was one of my best creations and she was keen to help me to improve it even more, but I let her know in no uncertain terms that if she touched my painting I would tear it up. Rather shocked, she quickly surrendered the brush!

And I remember how throughout high school I used to prefer staying up late after everyone else in my family had gone to sleep, and I’d get up and paint through the night because then I was entirely alone with nobody to interrupt or comment or ask me what I was working towards or make suggestions for improvements. I’ve always been deeply sensitive to other people’s moods, needs and expectations and often found it difficult to find that sweet spot where I can create from my core without getting sucked into other people’s stuff and pulled away from my core. Add to that experience the fact that I’ve always been a little introverted and more than a little obsessive and well, you can see why creating has always been quite an individual process for me. How you make your art is how you live your life, and I took took this individuality into other areas of my life.

This is all my stuff that I’m willing to own, but I think that, in general, our educational and family systems in the Western world have favored and promoted individualism. And yet technology has moved us into an increasingly interconnected world where we’re bumping into each other and impacting each other all over the world and we have less and less control over who talks about us and what they say and how they impact our lives and businesses. In addition, as we keeping growing the population and filling the world up, we’re really living closer and closer to each other and having to figure out how to live together. Is it just me or are you also feeling us all struggling together to figure out this individual/ community tension thing?

When community expands your creativity

More recently, I keep finding myself fascinated with themes of connection and relationship and its impact on creativity, I’m drawn to the idea of co-creation and I’m experimenting with more connection and noticing my patterns and beliefs in relation to connection and co-creation. I’m coming to the belief, more and more, that connection and co-creation are far preferable to individual progress and that, since truly great creations move or change people in some way, great creations are created through connection and co-creation. Great creations are intimate. I’ve had some really awesome experiences lately, working with others or just connecting casually with them and finding that the connection dramatically sparked my creativity and productivity and greatly improved my creations. Perhaps more importantly, it just feels so good.

When community hinders your creativity

Even though I’m coming to deeply value connection and co-creation, I’m still finding it very tricky because it means that I’m having to discover a way to find my core and create from that core, with others around and interacting with me, without blocking others out. To connect and co-create, I need to be able to truly see and hear them without having that knock me off my core. Don’t get me wrong… I know I can truly see and hear people (one of the gifts that 15 years of art-making gave me was a well-developed ability to observe), but I notice that when I’m deeply immersed in seeing and hearing others, I can sometimes lose my core and find it hard to hear myself. As an artist, creator and leader, should I take Hugh MacLeod’s advice and “Ignore Everybody” so that I can focus on hearing and being lead by my own voice?

In the online world, this is especially tricky because it’s such a noisy, instant-response world. Add to that the fact that sometimes what some people are doing and saying isn’t useful to pay attention to because it’s not in alignment with my vision and values and they’re not taking care with their words or intending to work together. The anonymity of the online world means that people often pay little conscious attention to how they behave online and if you’re listening to everyone, you could quickly become confused or depressed.

I think it was Henry Ford who said, “If I asked the people what they wanted, they would have said a faster horse.” Sometimes, as a creator and leader you have a vision to move into new territory that other people can’t imagine or understand. As Mark said, “The current of a group is very powerful.” Listening too closely to your tribe could pull you away from your innovative vision as you try to give them what they’re asking for instead of creating from your truth.

And then there’s the challenge of how to get into flow when you’re co-creating. I find it much easier to slip inside and get into flow when I’m working by myself. When I manage to get into flow with others, man it’s a beautiful feeling! But when I don’t… it’s frustrating and slow and unproductive and hard.

Handling the individual/ community tension when your tribe wants a faster horse

In creating the Bottom-line on Invictus – the story of how Nelson Mandela led South Africa through a peaceful transition to democracy (look out for it on 1 June), I was struck by the way that Nelson Mandela was able to listen to everyone from all factions, without getting pulled away from his core. Most people in South Africa were terrified and desperate to protect their own interests. Many people were baying for the blood of white South Africans when Nelson Mandela was released from prison and even more so when he came into power. Nelson Mandela found a way to truly see and hear others without being pulled away from his core.

The easy thing would have been for him to listen to the masses and give them the revenge they were looking for. Instead he created from his core and took on the seemingly impossible task of persuading South Africans who were at war of his vision of forgiveness and peace and reconciliation – a vision that many people, both black and white, found very difficult to understand.

Creating, intimacy and safety

The tension between individual and community in your creation process is essentially about intimacy and the degree to which you’re comfortable with truly seeing others and truly being seen. As Mark shared, “The longing to be known is at the core of every human. And it can spur us onward, and it can also scare us into hiding.”

What if you let them really see you and then they reject you? What if you truly see them and connect with their pain and need and then can’t ease and satisfy that for them? What if you see each other and then shit gets in the way and you can’t see each other anymore and you lose that connection? What if you think they’re letting you see them and so you let them see you and then they turn out to not be what you thought you saw? What if you see them and they don’t see you? With all this tricky stuff, it’s no wonder that we often withdraw into our caves and work alone.

As I thought about it in chatting with Mark yesterday, I realized that when I get stuck with my creating, it’s because I’m either not really paying attention to seeing others and the world around me or I’m stuck in fear of vulnerability and feeling uncomfortable with being seen. So when I’m stuck in my creation process, it’s because I’m afraid of the intimacy that great creations bring. It comes back to the idea that great creations move or change people in some way, and that’s intimacy, isn’t it?

With all this stuff that we’re afraid of being triggered by the intimacy of creating and leading, creating safety for yourself and others is an important part of successful creation and leadership and finding that right balance between individual and community.  This raises lots more questions though: what kind of safety is required? (Nelson Mandela created and lead in a very threatening and unsafe environment) How do we create that safety for ourselves, as creators and leaders? And how do we create safety for others that we wish to share our creations with or lead?

This is just the beginning of the conversation… join us

Choosing connection and co-creation over individual progress is one of the values of Agile Living that I’m writing about as I’m working on the Agile Living Manifesto, so you’ll definitely be hearing more about this from me. I’m hoping Mark will write and share more about this and I’d love you to join our conversation.

How does the individual/ community tension sit with you when it comes to creating and leading? What do you find tricky about it? What are your thoughts on finding the right balance?