Questions are a bit of a cheesy cliche in life coaching. Us coaches are known for telling our clients that we’re not going to give them answers, we’re going to ask them smart questions and help them find their own answers. And most people understand that a big reason for this is that other people don’t have all the answers for your life and, since you’re the person who spends the most time in your life, you’re obviously the expert on your life. But there are other good reasons for asking smart questions…
We’re designed to answer questions and make decisions
Asking and answering smart questions will empower you in all areas of your life. In fact, there’s research that indicates that we have a decision-making center in the brain, and when this center is under-utilized and undeveloped there’s a strong correlation with depression. This suggests that being passive and avoiding reflective questions and decisions reinforces depression, while making decisions can make the development of depression less likely. I’ve helped people to clear chronic depression just by guiding them to ask and answer smart questions for themselves and to be more active decision-makers and players in their own lives.
Questions determine your focus
Even if you’re not struggling with depression, you should be practicing asking smart questions. The main thing that makes questions so powerful is that they direct your focus. Focus is important, because focus determines what we pay attention to, and that determines what action we take and ultimately what results we get. You see, here’s how our minds work…
We’re taking in information through our sensory systems all the time, as we go about our day, engaging with our environment. It’s a lot of information, and we can’t consciously hold it all in our minds, so what happens is we filter the information and we delete a lot of the information from our awareness. And then, so that we can process the information faster and respond faster, we also do a lot of generalizing and distorting. In other words, we try to make the information fit what we already know, because then it’s quicker and easier to process the information. The main point here is that we can’t focus on everything – especially in really high-information environments, and so we filter our reality and focus on only parts of it.
Questions are powerful because they are a filter that determines what we focus our attention on, and what you focus your attention on is what determines your results.
Six of my favorite smart questions
So here are a few really smart questions that will help you to filter your reality in a way that supports you to get better results and to enjoy your life more. They might seem like unusual questions; we don’t find questions like these in our report-back sessions with our supervisors and our conversations with our colleagues. And you probably don’t ask yourself these questions very often when you’re chattering away to yourself.
- What’s working well here and how is this contributing to our results?
- What’s great about the role that person is playing and the way they’re contributing? (this is an especially powerful question if the person is annoying you!)
- What do we want and how will we know we have it?
- What am I really enjoying and appreciating about this situation?
- What do I need and how can I make my needs known?
- How do I want to feel and how can I start already having that feeling right now?
How would it change the way you and your team solve problems if your got into the habit of asking these questions in your team meetings?
And how would it change your experience of your work and other areas of your life if you got into the habit of asking yourself these 6 questions every day?
Art and Stress-Relief Webinar Tomorrow, 18 Aug
If you’d like to learn more about finding your All-Is-Well place amongst the chaos of life, join us for our free webinar. Gloria will take you through her group “All-Is-Well” process, using visualization and some of her images, and she’ll be sharing a special offer exclusive for the call attendees to take her up on an individual All-Is-Well session where she’ll create All-Is-Well artwork personalized for you.
Date: Wed 18 Aug
Time: 10:00 am PST/ 11:00 am MST/ 12:00 pm CST/1:00 pm EST/ 6pm UK/ 7pm SA
Loved this post. Very useful information. I look forward to using the 6 questions in my daily practice. I think they will be a valuable asset. Thank you.
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